I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
