the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
