I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
