they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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