I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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