just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
