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im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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