nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
