Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize