i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
