she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
