Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
