Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize