i barfeds in our rink
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
