I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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