Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
