I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
