Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
