All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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