Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
