Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
