I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
