If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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