First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
