I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
