He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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