I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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