I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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