fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
