He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Who died my cat blue again?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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