Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
