Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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