why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
