Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
