Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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