if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
