Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
