i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
