dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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