the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
