upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
