Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
