So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
