just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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