it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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