Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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