i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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