oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
handjob tips. give me some.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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