if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
