Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
