ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
