Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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