I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
