if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're like the curious george of whores
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
