i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
