I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
