It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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