i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
