how can u be prego again
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize