My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
