He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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