we have officially lost it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
