just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
