So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
