He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
