don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize