guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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