she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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