wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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