what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
