Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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